Great Reads: In The Midst of Chaos, Calm

Want some thinking about how to find calmness in the middle of a chaotic day, week, month, summer, or life? (More about MY chaotic summer soon…)

Try reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I always feel a bit like a kid out of my element when I read philosophy or spirituality stuff, but this is hitting all the right spots with where my mind is right now.

Here is a Link to the Goodreads Page for the book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6708.The_Power_of_Now

Small Note of Warning: I’m listening to the Audiobook and I think that helps a lot. For me, it’s also best in short bursts, of somewhere between 10 and 30 minutes at a time. Much past that and I find my mind drifting. Hope it helps!

Disinformation & Propaganda: The Issue that May Divide and Crumble the World

Maria Ressa, one of the most well known journalists from the Philippines, fighter for FACTS, and as a result, winner of the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize, is sharing right now (Wednesday, April 6) about how fragile Democracy is right now.

She is speaking as part of the Atlantic’s Conference on Disinformation. What an incredible magazine addressing an important topic.

What do you know about this? How do you vet and sort whether information (from social media or news) is reliable?

Ressa: “[Democracy] all rests on the facts,” meaning that real discourse depends on real conversations where individuals and sides discuss from the same truths. That is happening less and less these days.

Ressa is full of such great information!!!

Conference on Disinformation: YouTube LIVESTREAM LINK.

April Fool’s Day Rules

Pranks are fun! (If done right…) – Photo taken from Unsplash- Banash Photography

Pranks and jokes are fun. They can lead people to laughter and high emotions. But there can be a right way to create the best pranks.

For those who may not be aware, April Fool’s Day every April 1st is a tradition where people prank others and then say “April Fools!” as a way to show that it was all a joke.

This could be as little as the rubber snake left in the oven or in pots (but not for a person who turns on the oven before looking in the oven) or as big as multi-person scripted scenes to get a person lulled into a false reality.

Here are a few rules that I have found that make better April Fools Pranks.

1. Prank NEGATIVE not positive.

Why play a negative prank rather than faking something positive? Because if you share that your mother won the lottery, then the “APRIL FOOL’S” reveal is a real let down. These can be almost cruel if they go on too long. I much prefer when the “APRIL FOOL’S” moment can also be a sigh of relief. No the doctor did not call and ask me to come in to talk about the biopsy. No we are not actually behind in the mortgage payments. No, your wife’s wallet is not mysteriously missing. No your son did not get called into the school office for something mortifying.

2. DON’T PRANK TOO BIG. Prank small or medium – it’s more believable.

Rather than sharing that you saw military guys with rifles in the backyard, just share that you heard a noise that worries you (although this can be cruel for the anxious – see bullet 3: know your audience). Don’t share that your daughter attacked someone violently. Share that she did something inappropriate (that could be seen as embarrassing or just amusing). Don’t say you’re dying and the doctor gave you 4 weeks; say you found a lump (though that one can induce anxiety too – see number 3).

3. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.

Know what people are afraid of? Use that to some extent (but maybe don’t play on people’s anxieties if they struggle with these anxieties, so people afraid of intruders should not be told there is an intruder; that’s cruel). Have a dad who’s always talking about how “They’re out to get you” about sales people or something similar? Definitely use that. Share how you got sucked in by a charlatan. Perhaps, for example, a man showed up selling solar panels as a great way to save money or even make passive income, but if you just give them $100 now, you can get into a half price offer deal when they come by next month. Isn’t that great!? You’re going to get solar panels half price! Have a brother-in-law that loves a deal? Use that in a story to everyone else in the family (with the brother-in-law’s permission – shared pranks are even more fun).

4. TIMING: Bury the lead and don’t take it too long.

Bury the lead means that pranks are more believable if you don’t walk into the kitchen smiling and say “Guess what?” Have a normal conversation and then, in the middle of it, casually drop the start of the prank. Oh yeah that is a great show. Hey, by the way, we’re going to be getting new solar panels for half price.

Also, don’t take things too long. Recognize that negativity (in a prank) does have physiological effects. If you really get someone believing your play, don’t tell them something terrible and keep it going all day long. Don’t be cruel. Get in, play the prank, and get out (within the same conversation or at least the same visit/call).

5. USE THE A-HOLE DOUBLE-CHECK TEST

After you come up with the prank, ask yourself this, “Could anyone who heard this take it the wrong way?” or to be more clear, ask “Is there anything about this prank that is racist, sexist, or inappropriate?” Don’t get fired. Don’t become that guy/gal who everyone remembers from the really inappropriate joke. If you’re not sure, ask someone who has more sense than you or DON’T DO IT. Humor is a blast, but not if it bombs, and definitely not if it hurts other people.

Good luck! Get creative, and have some mischievous fun! (Loki would be proud….)

GREAT READ: The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt

The Happiness Hypothesis, by Jonathan Haidt, is a wonderful, interesting Social Psychology light book (240 pages) rich with thinking that will be remembered for years to come.

The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt

This book uses narrative writing to start with the concept of a divided mind (by the way, the first chapter is free online on Haidt’s [pronounced “Height”] WEBSITE). This is one of the main analogies that will stick with me for years: Haidt’s divided mind is not two people arguing in a room or Freud’s Ego, Id, and Superego. Haidt imagines an ELEPHANT with a little rider on top. The elephant is everything we want to do and much of what behaviorists and social scientists know about human psychology, some of which we are born with. The RIDER (I guess the prefrontal cortex) is really more of an advisor to the elephant, since it’s one of the most recent adaptations of our powerful brains. It doesn’t control as much as we think it does.

The rest of the book takes that analogy and explores 2) how to shift the mind/elephant, 3) Reciprocity and human nature, 4) Hypocrisy, 5) Where happiness really comes from, 6) Attachments, 7) Adversity, 8) Character, and Morality and religion before wrapping things up.

It’s a brilliant narrative explanation, interpretation, summary, an analysis of SO MANY other experiments, literary works, historical texts (including the “three great zones of classical thought: India…, China…, and the cultures of the Mediterranean….”).

Readers who have read a lot will recognize some of what he discusses, but I’ll imagine they’ll find his way of weaving all of this together as mostly fresh. Readers who have not read as much philosophy (which I will admit I often find generally dry and boring) will find a profound wealth of new texts and references to explore.

Unless you’ve read a hundred books that sound similar, this is one of those books that every human should read. It explains a LOT. This is a book I will definitely read multiple more times in my life, and I have a lot of books. Anyone wanting to know why people behave the way they do, or why they can’t seem to diet, or get over their anger, this book will give you more clarity.

NOTE: Just so readers know, Haidt tends to lean more left in politics and he states that he is an “atheist,” but in my opinion, he treats all of these topics and conversations with grace and awareness – I think even most/many religious readers (definitely agnostics or spiritualists or Buddhists) and many conservatives will still find this read fully worth their time.

One Professor Admits to Using Drugs and thinks Society Should Accept Some Drug Usage… (By the way, I’m not talking about me.)

man standing in front of people

If you wanted to share something with your boss that might help that person and others change their minds about an important situation, but this share could get you fired, would you risk it? What if by sharing this thing, it might save the lives and livelihoods of others?

Enter Carl Hart, Columbia University Professor of Neuroscience. Well respected in his field and community, Carl Hart recently told everybody that he does drugs. Like ALL the drugs. Pot, “Bath Salts,” cocaine, and even heroin. What does it say about our society though that many people will hear “does drugs” in the same surprised and reproachful manner as if I said he attacks people or shoplifts for thrills? By the way, Carl Hart is a black man, which does affect how this conversation will play out. Many in the US have a lot of anti-black-person biases without even realizing it. And by the way, if you just said “Not me,” there’s a strong chance you have some biases buried in your head somewhere (most white people do, even us well intentioned ones).

Carl Hart seems to have shared this personal attribute in order to attempt to change the conversation about demonizing drugs and sending everyone to prisons. Is his disclosure insane? Is it brilliant?

I am NOT advocating people tell their bosses, “Woohoo, I’m a pothead! Suck it!” There is a risk to disclosing aspects of daily life, especially things considered crimes by society. And addiction is real, and many who use drugs, some who simply try drugs once become dependent and addicted. Sharing that people are breaking laws because the laws are flawed does not mean these individuals won’t have to suffer consequences.

However, standing up and saying something is wrong is often the only way to change society. Fifty years ago, it was unlawful for a white person to marry a black person. Six years ago, it was not possible for two people of the same sex to be married (in most states and in the eyes of the federal government). In 1963, it was lawful for states to impose arbitrary tests before any person at their discretion could vote. (Nowadays, some politicians of similar mindsets just reduce access to voting by limiting mail-in ballots or early voting. Same effect. Fewer black people can vote.)

Welcome to the gray area of present-day dilemmas: there is often no clear right or wrong. Is Carl Hart a hero? An idiot? Somewhere in between? Do you think he’s simply doing this for selfish reasons so he can keep doing drugs in peace or do you believe him that he wants change for all those charged and incarcerated for nonviolent drug crimes? Is he an addict and just doesn’t admit it to himself? Is anyone able to make that assessment other than he and his workplace supervisor? What do you think about this or ANY of these issues?

https://www.chronicle.com/article/why-a-columbia-neuroscientist-acknowledged-using-heroin

Of 2020, See What You Need to See

rainbow over sea

Horrible, Haarible

I once knew a pastor, an amazing and life-changing gentleman, who occasionally showed his Boston roots with a hint of an accent. I will always remember the way he described the brutality of the civil war in El Salvador in the 1980s as the governmental forces “disappeared” those who spoke out against them (these forces kidnapped, murdered, and disposed of the bodies of their rivals so their families could never truly have closure or mourn the deaths of their loved ones). This pastor said the war was “Horrible. Horrible.” (With a weighted pause afterward.) However, with his Boston accent, what he said actually sounded like this: “Haarible. Haarible.”

There are those who will look back at 2020 and will use those words.

What a Haarible Year

This has been a “harrible” year for almost everybody. Much harder for some than for others. Not just COVID and the divisiveness of Donald Trump, though they loom like a grim reaper over everything, this year has also seen the murder of George Floyd (and the fact that using the word murder is needlessly divisive), global Black Lives Matter protests, the polarization of everything including “facts” and news, and all the failures of businesses and ways of life. Oh, and people couldn’t travel to escape reality for a little bit. Oh and suicides and domestic violence and child removals are at record levels. Oh and hurricanes in the Atlantic are worse and more destructive than ever while much of the west coast of the US burns, due in part to record droughts. Oh and Murder Hornets are a thing. Oh and a smaller but serious emotional blow: Chadwick Boseman, the first cinematic Black Panther, died of cancer. A man who brought hope and joy, dead due to humanity’s most steady killer. And John Lewis died, too. A hero in every sense of the word. This year saw SO MANY negative events. Too many to catalogue. Just too many.

And in fact, for certain business owners, for certain wealthy elites, this has been a year of record profits, wealth, and peaceful retreats.

I will admit, I have avoided writing about this accursed year because, well, how do you eat an elephant? (This is a silly expression I use sometimes to hint at the stress of a task so large it seems impossible. Also, don’t eat elephants.) This year is just too complex.

We have a country, no a globe, that is hemorrhaging human beings to the Coronavirus plague, at times the death rate in the US more than half of a 9/11 (2977 deaths) every day or more. The US is struggling with George Floyd’s murder and all the implications of the race conversation we still are not really having, and hyper-partisanship like I have never seen in my lifetime. People scream at each other because of masks or signs or tweets. Leaders in President Trump’s party spew lies and vitriol to attack others and demonize their opponents, and leaders on the other side essentially do a lot of the same. Political propaganda is everywhere, especially on the right (ahem, Fox News, OAN, and others like Alex Jones and Rush Limbaugh) but truly on both sides, that seeks simply to get more clicks, ignoring the cost. These people are fighting to the death, and they don’t seem to realize it. They don’t realize the costs of “winning” may burn down everything.

Is this our best, America? Is this what anyone wants?

I have felt moments of true despair, moments when I couldn’t watch the news at all, to see people justifying means to get their ends. I have felt moments when I sought oblivion in late night tubs of ice cream and Netflix monster movies.

Seeing the Rest, Seeing Good Too

And yet, I know something that I try to remember when it seems the darkest: We will get through this. And also:

There is nothing more powerful to shift thinking than changing a perspective. The human mind can always choose to focus on what is good.

I am alive. I am currently COVID free (even if not all members of my family are). I can breathe and I always have choices.

I am alive.

I can work. (And fortunately, I have work.)

I can think.

What can you see that would help you focus on the positive? What can you focus on that will help you find gratitude despite the darkness of this year?

Ryan Holiday in his book, The Obstacle is the Way about Stoicism, states, “Turn what you must do into what you get to do.” I have looked at that quote maybe a thousand times this year as I stayed home instead of visiting family or the store, as I shifted to online classes, as I cancelled trips. I had to do this stuff, but I GOT to learn so much from it. I am stronger than I have ever been with my work ethic and my ability to help and encourage students. I am improving at my own writing skills because I’m making more time to write and revise.

Not that I can do this all the time. Sometimes it is a real fight and I’m just sad. And yet, writing about this helps me remember to try harder.

How are you stronger because of this strange year? How are you better? How can you celebrate that?

(Quick Aside: Do you Have a Lot to Mourn? Do it with Help)

If you’ve experienced death or loss, first be sure you know that probably the healthiest action is to start a relationship with a counselor or therapist. Counselors know how to talk about loss and they know the healthy and unhealthy ways that people grieve. Even people without extra money can find free online therapy through services like 7 Cups or BetterHealth (see this LINK for more on free therapy).

By the way, when I talk to my students in classes, I’ve heard one response to this often: “_____ people [like me] don’t do therapy.” Yeah, well, people used to not think about “effective parenting” either, and I’m glad that is slowly changing.

Archeologists, neurologists, and many other people smarter than me know that human beings are social creatures, even you introverts. Big feelings are just hard to process if we are alone or not talking to others. All of us need help from time to time.

“Look with Better Eyes

In one of the best movies ever made, James Cameron’s The Abyss, one character, played by the amazing Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio is attempting to get people to believe something hard, something without proof that seems a bit crazy. She says, “Coffey looks and he sees Russians [that character’s biggest fear–The Abyss was set in the eighties]. You have to look with better eyes than that.”

This quote in itself is imperfect. Nothing quite captures the challenge facing humans, Americans, Texans, Republicans, or Democrats. But it’s close. What you remember, what goes into your internal math equations about managing your time, energy, and output, depends on what you choose to see. And you get to decide what you see, or at least to influence what your eyes focus on.

And, Yeah, Stoicism

Here’s another pair of quotes from a famed father of stoic philosophy, Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, that approach this 2020 dilemma in another way:

“Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil.”

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

The first quote reminds us that there will always be difficulties. EVERYDAY. The second quote reminds us that so much of life is simply out of our control. WE CANNOT CHANGE the fact that some politicians are idiots or that so many good human beings are being duped into idiocy. What we CAN do is focus on our perception and what we have control over. That’s it. You can be powerful in the arenas in which you have control. You are in fact unstoppable, and breathing, and thinking. Who cannot celebrate those things?

It sometimes doesn’t feel like enough, and it requires frequent redirection (at first) but you can choose to see how wonderful your life is. You can choose to see the actions that will lead you to even better.

Do that. Choosing what you see will make all the difference.

Good luck, and may 2021 show us even more blessings amidst the chaos. (And hopefully less chaos. And again, don’t eat elephants.)

John Lewis is a Hero; John Lewis is My Hero

John Lewis smiling at his desk

Civil Rights leader and US Representative John Lewis recently passed away.

People who do not think of John Lewis as a hero are missing something. Either they don’t know how tirelessly he fought for equality and justice, without throwing an insult or a punch. Or they don’t know what America is and where it has come from.

This country was founded on lofty ideals and revolutionary ideas. It is an experiment in governance that had never been done before. And yet America has never been able to see through and grant those ideas and freedoms to all human beings equally. Our leaders have always fallen short or chosen to maintain a caste system. I am reminded of the incredibly important human maxim: Power corrupts. Or rather, the actual quote from Lord Acton, “Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

A number of excellent attributes and actions made John Lewis a hero. He was kind. He was curious. In this era and political climate, I especially love that he was willing to stand up and say “THAT IS NOT RIGHT” over and over again until real change started happening. It almost killed him.

As a person who grew up in a family full of conflict, I admire how John Lewis’s honesty and integrity made him continue the fight, even when it may have felt impossible. Sometimes I look around at all the problems we have in this country, all the struggles my students face, and I feel overwhelmed. Remembering that John Lewis just kept moving forward helps. John Lewis is an example for me. He reminds me how to live in America.

Read John Lewis’s final essay, challenging this generation to finally lay down the mantle of hate.

It is scary to stand against something powerful. John Lewis stood for something stronger. He fought for better without disrespecting or throwing a punch. For that he will be missed. And appreciated. And championed.

Godspeed.

Social Media Fallacies

Want to be better? Want to be taken even more seriously? Want to take down your enemies, ahem, I mean refute your opposition politely? Then it may be worth paying more attention to flaws in logic or argument. In writing circles, we call these fallacies.

Do you remember when that slightly crazy friend of yours talked about how the teen pregnancy rate in the US is more than six times that of the Netherlands? (Here are some STATISTICS on that fact, by the way.) But then they said it was either because people in the Netherlands smoke more pot or have more tulips, and you knew there was something not right about that. This is an example of a fallacy, an error in logic. (This fallacy is called “Correlation, not Causation.”)

Fallacies are running rampant on social media right now. It’s bad. Want to level up your skills to make sure you’re not part of the problem and also part of the solution? Take 5 to 10 minutes, and read THIS ARTICLE about some common fallacies frequently found on social media from Zarvana, a critical thinking coaching site.

In this contentious time after the death of George Floyd when many people are trying to assert that Black Lives DO Matter (and they absolutely do) to remarkable and unbelievable opposition, pay close attention to these fallacies. (The Wrong Denominator fallacy is particularly useful to people who assert statistics about “black on black” crime or “facts” about the rates of black people in prisons.)

Also remember that in today’s society when arguing about these critical issues, the goal is not to win. The goal, in my opinion, is to help the other side see what you mean. Get them to nod their heads or at least say, “Huh.” Good luck and don’t give up.

Race: Voices that Matter, like Halstead’s and Hutcherson’s

People often ask me where to get started to learn more about race and the situation with institutional racism in the United States. These two articles are almost always discussed in my college writing classes for a number of reasons, but not because they are perfect. Halstead does do a good job of summarizing a lot of the issues anyone can learn more about, such as colorblindness, white privilege, institutional racism, and the revision of the history of the Civil Rights movement. Hutcherson shares when race shifted her experiences and explains White Privilege by showing it to us. Start with these two voice and listen. Listen carefully and be open.

Halstead is a white guy who uses logic to explain not only why some white people say “All Lives Matter” but why “Black Lives Matter” is necessary. You don’t have to believe everything he states, but this contains some valid perspectives with excellent points.

The Real Reason White People Say “All Lives Matter” by John Halstead

To learn about white privilege, I really needed to hear from someone who wasn’t white. So I zoomed around the internet and found Lori Lakin Hutcherson‘s account of a series of personal stories that connected with race. These stories would have gone differently had she been white. That is the essence of white privilege: white people can turn off and forget about race, but for POC (people of color), race is always on and often a part of their experience (often for the negative).

My White Friend Asked Me on Facebook to Explain White Privilege. I Decided to Be Honest.

If it helps to hear a (famous) white person summarize it, here’s a story (with video) about Jimmy Kimmel talking about White Privilege. Zoom to 7:40 on the video to see the conversation about white privilege.

I hope these voices help you launch into a better understanding of the white struggle with the issue of race in America.

Do you have articles that you think are fundamental to the conversation? I would LOVE to know more. Please add authors and links in the comments below. If you have time, tell me and other readers why they matter. Thanks for taking the time.

How to Respond to people Amidst a Crisis: POTOW & Let Dave Chappelle Show You

Microphone In front of Crowd
What might you say? To whom?

Our country and communities have had a crapton of crises lately and no shortage of people weighing in and saying something about them.

There’s the unprecedented COVID crisis. The constitutional democracy/leadership crises. Now, this week we’ve had yet another black man, George Floyd this time, die in police custody, killed by the police officers who are supposed to be protecting their community.

I’ve had a hard time trying to decide what to say myself. Who am I as a white dude who has never been elected to public office to offer leadership or perspective here?

The English/critical thinking professor in me knows this: TRUST NOTHING. Facts appear to be fluid in this politically charged era, but that should not be the case. A fact is something measurable that can be verified. The rest is all about the communication triangle: a) SPEAKER/WRITER, b) THE MESSAGE, c) THE AUDIENCE. Here are some steps to getting more of the picture so you can help shift public discourse and public policy (which are nice phrases for shifting how we talk and what we do).

Here are five steps that I think will help anyone get a message through the fire to the other side.

  1. P – PREPARE by reading. Read Lots Carefully. Listen (not to social media alone, as cherry-picked quotes, data, or headlines can often obscure important context.)
  2. O – ORGANIZE. Organize the substance in your mind (or on paper) in to categories like facts, biases, and opinions. Use bullets maybe to get the big stuff out.
  3. T – THINK. Think by talking out loud with others, journaling, being creative by drawing, singing, or writing poetry, but know that most people think in layers, meaning we can get the broad stuff in a first attempt, but only by going back over it a few times do we really get to deeper detail and understanding.
  4. O – Understand the OTHER side (often this is called opposition in argument circles, but that implies a fight). If there is another side to yours, seek to understand and empathize with them (so that you can adapt and clarify your position in ways that are more likely to be heard). Do you want to yell at them and them yell at you forever? Of course not. So that means everybody needs to listen more. Listen to people from different perspectives, especially people different from you. Read their writing. Listen to the sometimes annoying smugness and irritating tone of the “other” and then TURN OFF that anger and imagine their fears. Anger often comes from fear. So if you really want things to change, we all have to learn to take the anger, let it go through us, and understand what drives it, so we can get them nodding. WITH US. Nodding with us.
  5. W – WRITE it respectfully. Figure out who you are, what you want to say, who you want to say it to, and write that message down. Then clean it up and edit it down to make it more concise. Present it however you want, including Instagram, Videos, written word, songs, BLM Protest Sign, but think before you write and be sure you revise. Does this message matter. Hell yes it does, so put time into it. And remember your audience. If they think you’re talking down to them, they will stop listening, and they have to listen. Try to find a way to BE NICE. If you can.

Curious about the George Floyd and Police Brutality conversation?

Don’t know where to get started on your reading? Here’s a quick “What Happened” NYTimes article on the George Floyd timeline. It might even be interesting to read some comments, but give yourself a set amount of time (like I’ll read comments for 10 minutes and stop at 1:30).

Here’s one Christian perspective on race and police brutality arguing that something should be done.

Here’s a conservative perspective arguing that “Institutional Racism” is a myth. Note: I had to search harder for these opinion pieces, and there is a good chance many will disagree with aspects of this one. Still, what can be learned? Where is the bias? Where is data cherry-picked? What questions do you have after this perspective?

Here’s a powerful video from an activist named Kimberly Jones called “How Can We Win?” on the topics of protesting, rioting, looting, and general unfairness around black wealth and progress? I personally feel like I learned a lot from this perspective, even if I’m not sure I agree with 100% of it.

Now, if you’ve been curious about the Dave Chappelle link, here’s a video detailing an event that happened in 2015 where Dave Chappelle handles a heckler on the topic of police brutality. It is a story, not a video of the event, but at least a few other sources seem to corroborate that the event really happened, like this STORY from BoredPanda with the original KennyDeForest Tweets. In this video, see how Dave Chappelle handles the situation, and consider the outcome. POTOW baby. He was prepared and he already knew what the message was.

Now go. POTOW and make this better.